There’s always been debate over BDSM becoming more mainstream – I was very young and super curious and excited in 1992 when Madonna released her Erotica album and the gorgeous metal bound Sex coffee table book (which I bought the same day it was released and still have). Little did I know that it would only be a few years before I was so enmeshed in this exciting world that I would turn it into my full time profession!
But back to the point – when this book came out people were concerned about the illicit world of kink becoming more mainstream… from both sides of the equation I suspect. I’m not sure if exposure to an image/ movie/ book/ whatever will change someone’s basic sexuality – I knew that I was excited by different things to all the other girls at my school long before I saw Madonna wearing a leather cap wielding a flogger (though really – so much hotness there – don’t you think)
But what I do think that each new influx brings is people who are looking for a bit of “Kinky Sex”. Now I have absolutely nothing against Kinky Sex but I don’t personally believe that it is what BDSM play is about – and certainly not in the realms of Professional Domination. I have seen in recent times a lot of regular sex workers have decided to add a few new skills to their repertoire – and good for them! Particularly if they’re having fun exploring and developing their Dominant side… though it can be confusing for new submissives exploring their desires and having ladies ask “would you like sex with that” as if it were a fast food order! Because they then contact classical Dominas like myself and ask for what they’ve previously been offered.
Ahhhh – no – we are experts in Sexy Kink instead!
What’s the difference? Well Sexy Kink doesn’t deny the intense sexual charge and energy of a Mistress/slave connection – but its not the total focus. The experience of kneeling at Mistress’s boots, accepting her collar, being bound in her chains, feeling her spanks warm your skin is not a prequel to the action – it is the action. A session with a Mistress is a journey – and each part is as important as the other – of course there is build up and often release – but not always in ways that you might expect. The experience is not always orgasm focused – though quite often allowing (or even forcing) a slave to orgasm is a powerful way to bring the play session to a close.
I believe that while there are many different reasons people seek out BDSM experiences – they can often fall into two camps. For some people they’ve enjoyed a fairly “standard” sex/fantasy life until an image, a story, a video that has sparked their interest and made them wonder “what if” – they often have a revelation later in life when they start exploring options and activities apart from the Standard Sexual Expression. For other people however it’s just how we’re hardwired – sometimes as a directly sexual need and sometimes as a more amorphous yet still incredibly important need – something that just makes you feel content, that things are right with the world, and even that there has been a huge release. I’ve written before about my earliest explorations of fetishism and being afraid of my sadistic desires came up in fantasies and that discovering that consensual BDSM existed felt like a huge relief as I discovered that there were plenty of other “people like me” or even better submissive and masochistic men who had needs on the other side of the coin to me!
So my advice – if you’re new to BDSM and curious about Kink give some thought to what sort of experience you’re looking for… Is it Kinky Sex with a fun, erotic Sex Worker? Or an exploration of Sexy Kink with an authentically Dominant Mistress who will take control and show you a totally different world of fetishistic eroticism.