A few weeks ago my friend Mistress Simone sent me a message letting me know that someone was using my photos on Fetlife. Sadly this isn’t unusual – often it’s benign – sometimes it’s a slave who’s seen me in session and has some photos I’ve taken of us both (with permission of course) – sometimes it’s someone who’s found an image of me that captures a fetish or emotion that they identify with. Neither of these are a problem – obviously the first person has my permission to use the photos of me – the second person may have found an image just searching tags anywhere (often with no information as to who it is) and has decided to share a favourite photo. Nearly always these people are happy to change the caption to say that it’s me, and I’m happy for them to use one of my creations to highlight a favourite fetish.
However there are plenty of occasions where using someone else’s photos isn’t as innocent – that was the case here – instead of one image this person had lifted 36 photos from my Instagram account and had created a whole fake profile! This is where it’s an obvious case of impersonation or identity theft… at least in this case they made up a new name to go along with it – I’ve had occasions where they’ve also used my name which is why I joined Facebook and some other sites so I can point out who is the *real* Mistress Servalan. I would say that every Domme with an online presence has has their photos stolen usually many times… Two of my US based friends Elena DeLuca and Mistress An Li have both recently had impersonators trying to scam potential slaves for money and/or asking the *real* Domina to pay to have the fake profile deleted…
Which leads to the question of why – who are these impersonators and why are they taking our images? Sometimes it’s similar to the TV show “Catfish” – the poster feels that their real photos and identity wouldn’t attract a potential submissive partner – they’re excited by chatting online and roleplaying being a Dominant Woman. Maybe they’re a man or a woman who feels unattractive and unconfident in their everyday life so diving into a make-believe world where they’re a glamorous dominatrix is a huge turn-on… most of the time they don’t even think that they’re doing anything very wrong and assume that lots of the other profiles are fake.
The darker version is the scammer – and one often leads to the other… these people are trying to extort money or gifts out of submissives… Expecting someone to buy them a gift from their wishlist before they will speak on the phone or skype for example – or as happened to a submissive I know promising to meet for play but requiring a set of BDSM toys to be purchased from an online store that a friend of theirs ran before they met for a playdate. Did the toys ever even exist? Who knows, but that sub spend several hundred dollars on gear that they never saw as once the purchase was made emails were not returned and the “Mistress” was unavailable.
Deposit scams are also becoming quite common – instead of roleplaying a Lifestyle Domina this scammer puts advertising up as a ProDomme but requires a deposit for new clients… the day of the session rolls around however and no further information is forthcoming – the sub is usually too embarrassed at having been scammed to report anything to the authorities just writes it off as a bad experience. A lower level of scam is the classic “bait and switch” where the person who opens the door isn’t the person in the alluring photographs – or maybe they are – but without the benefit of lots of photoshop 😀
Sadly this creates a culture of distrust. Submissives become suspicious and untrusting – asking sometimes invasive or inappropriate questions to determine if the Domme is who she says she is… Many a potentially great submissive has become a jerk from being scammed – and then turns that negativity onto ProDommes being so nervous of committing to a session that they shoot themselves in the foot – booking and not confirming – or invasive and passive aggressive questioning or photocollecting that puts them on blacklists. Mistresses have to tighten up their screening as a result and become much harder to book to see if you’re not an existing client.
So what do we do?
Ideally I’d like to gather up all the Timewasters and Scammers and put them on a desert island somewhere… But failing that be aware of who you’re talking to online. If a non-professional Lifestyle Mistress I don’t recommend sending any gifts or money until you have at least spoken on Skype or preferably met in person – a munch or similar is ideal… For contacting ProDommes or other Fetish professionals be aware that some ladies do require deposits for new clients – this is fine but be aware of who you’re sending it to! An established Mistress is never going to ruin her reputation over $50 or $100. Be wary of sending more than this unless you’re booking an extended session or one with multiple players. Discovering if the photos are real isn’t usually too difficult either – I dropped one of my photos into Google Reverse image search and it came up as being on my Instagram and here in my blog. So do your research – don’t choose a Mistress based on one BackPage ad – check out her website and social media – do they match or doesn’t she seem to exist apart from an ad – does she upload new photos on Twitter/ Instagram/ Facebook? If they’re old recycled pics or all professional photoshoots why is that? Does she look different in real life?
Don’t get Catfished – but also don’t become so cynical that you miss out on some of the amazing world of FemDom!